I wanted to send this weeks ago, interpretation is 99% of communication, I hesitated. Listen and don’t think anything except about who you are. Who. Strip away your lies and your job, your strengths and your weakness. Just be alive.
We let ourselves buy into this lie, an idea of happy. What that means and looks like. I have felt like I’ve been dying, slowly, for years, slow and toxic feeding myself a platitude. Cried when he sold his skydiving gear. Like he just gave away part of who we were. Relegated. Cried when I sold my kayak. Skiis. Climbing shoes.
It was no ones fault but my own. Thinking I had to follow someone, be their joy, give up me. Signed up for a story that wasn’t mine. Wasn’t his. Need and a catalyst time to discover, (re-)evaluate.
About to lose everything, including myself. Looking back, just a glance, see that light in the haze, just a shimmer… recognition. Who I was, and still am.
And please, I’m not sad or weepy or blaming, just a course correction. I’m happy. Relieved. Thankful.