Muddled

I’ve been here since June 13 and it’s July 13. At first I made this my homework: to write everyday. To actively think and be engaged with the method, or process, the procedure of creating context and the discipline of writing. It worked.

I was ready, although I believed I would fall out of enchantment as soon as I felt obligated, I accepted that I’m fickle, have a short attention span and proceeded forward.

Surprisingly it was hard for me to not write. To not feel inspired, to not find delight in the process, and I posted and published and felt inspired. I shared only with my husband, a few close family and a select few friends.

I wasn’t afraid of failing. Moreover I was worried about obligating anyone to read something they had no interest in. In truth, I shared with those I thought would be most hurt if I excluded them from my endevour. From those select few my husband, mom, and a sister or three and potentially one friend (I’m still kinda unclear on who if anyone is actually reading, except my husband who “likes” virtually every post) were all who felt inclined to follow. If I tell the truth I am guessing more out of loyalty than interest. I’m smiling because we all can relate. And because I love that someone loves me enough to feel “obligated”.

It’s been a month and 38 public post. It’s been exhilarating and intoxicating to have a “private” place to share my guts or humor with a “private” audience…a drug of motivation, inspiring me to write in my book and to not speak in platitudes. I thought nothing could stop me or slow my momentum.

I was wrong! Five days of too much work and 1a.m. bedtimes has totally dismantled my functioning parts of grey matter…add to that a day (today precisely) at the beach soaking up the sun and collecting sand in my underpants and I’m feeling like a big lazy, uninspired, less than creative creature.

I can only hope your weekend is just as relaxing and that you are as fortunate! Now go write me something! 🙂

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