“It’s not going to work” I even said it out loud but just like with everything in my life I am still going to try it. I think I convince myself that even though it won’t work, would never work, that maybe, just for me, it will. Maybe the laws of the universe can bend to my will because I want them to.
So I switch out some sugar and use agave syrup, I exchange some of the butter for coconut oil, then I go after the carbs, the mortar of the cookie, I swap out over half of the flour for almond flour and coconut flour. and I throw five test cookies in the oven.
Not even in my most health-freak state of mind could anyone ever eat those things I made, not even me.
“I can fix this.” I say.
And I add a bit more regular flour. This went on for four more, separate test cookies. None of them even resembled a cookie, I made them and if you told me it was dried cat throw up, I’d believe you. Really. That bad.
I thought I could have this cookie and call it a cookie and eat it like a cookie and that it would look and taste like a cookie but not be a cookie, none of the side effects of a regular cookie. Sure there are some options out there. People who say they know how to do it, but obviously, it’s not something one just does without a lot of research, support and some experts involved.
Now, with a big stinking bucket of non-cookie cookie batter I am faced with my options, let the kids cry and dump it all out. “Good riddance, should have known better, doing you kids a favor, you’ll thank me someday.” Or attempt to fix it the only way I know will really work? Yes, there’s a way and it won’t give me the freedom to eat cookies…or even cookie…but it will be palatable and “Mikey” will approve.
This is how I ended the day with a freaking 123 cookies! Uh-huh, I had to make a regular ‘ol batch of cookies with none of the good/healthy stuff but all of the things that seem to make cookies, cookies and then I stirred in the first batch. Admittedly I did add an extra egg and some extra regular flour with a pinch or two of more baking soda. Those, in an attempt to get the consistency of tollhouse cookie dough. It worked.
I thought about faking it and acting like they were the cookies I wanted. I won’t lie, I had a bite, I will likely finish that one off later tonight, the deal is, I know that it is what it is and in the end I’ll go to bed sick to my stomach wishing I had never ate the damned thing or better that I had never tried any cookie. Ever.
Now, the husband is gone until Sunday and I am stuck with way too many cookies and not enough victims…
Here’s the out-take: I always forget the last pan of cookies, subconsciously think I am done and move on. Never fails. This time it was only three cookies who sacrificed their lives needlessly…