My Very Own Listicle–How to Win Her Heart

Not testicle you pervs, Listicle.

A combination of a list and an article, wha-la: listicle! They are all the rage right now, everyone’s doing one; apparently a large faction of you are also doing something called a Fire Challenge too so it’s obvious that while everyone’s doing it, it may not be the best idea. What the heck! Seems like a listicle is less harmful than a fire challenge. So here’s mine.


I saw a listicle on how to win a girl’s heart, it was lame.
I’m an old snarky hag I guess and not a girl, here’s what I would want.

12 Moves To Win Her Heart

1. Someone to dance with her.
Slow dance, shake-your-booty dance, swing dance, all night long dance.

2. Ask questions about her deepest thoughts and really want to know the answers.
Like wise, I want your dirty thoughts, your secret thoughts, your deep thoughts.

3. She doesn’t want to be the one leading you out of your comfort zone all of the time.
I need adventures to be my happiest, I need new things and hard (as in difficult, but not drama) things, I don’t want to be the one who has to drag you around hoping you’ll play along, surprise me, don’t overthink it lets just go!

4. She wants someone who’s got the heart of a gypsy and the courage of a lion.
Enough said.

5. Someone to help her plant the garden but also take care of it.
Get your hands dirty, and then be willing and interested enough to see our efforts to posterity. I’m so tired of everyone’s short attention span and inability to finish what they start.

6. She wants to be kissed just for the sake of kissing.

7. She wants someone who’s idea of a birthday present is something you’ve never done before. I want a place we’ve never explored or been to, or just something you did solely for me. Take a bath with me, sing a song to me, go climb cliffs with me, hike down to the whitewater, or swim in the ocean or jump from planes with me, no boxes, no bows, no cliches, or jewels. Blech. (Cake is good too…chocolate.)

8. To Be sung to, preferably by you. Preferably in private so I don’t pass out from embarrassment…If you’re bad at it turn up the background music nice and loud. 😉

9. Written about. Not all of the time, that’s creepy.

10. A back rub, a real back rub, the kind where you massage the spinal column…with your hands...

11. To laugh till her eyes leak and her sides hurt.
(Here’s a secret, if you could only do one of these!! This is it right here, hands down. People are too serious, too judgmental, too self absorbed, be fun.)

12. To not be held so tight that she never misses him.
There are a lot of misconceptions out there. Women don’t need to be owned, possessed, hugged and clung to or coddled…they need you to let them miss you, go slay some dragons. Come back with your heart pounding and your eyes on fire and sweep me off my feet…or her…whatever.

I might not be the most reasonable person but I am sure of this list. If it works for me it will work on your future woman too.

There you have it. The guaranteed top 12–a full dozen–ways to score the woman of your dreams…most importantly, be a prophet, not a disciple. If you want it to work it must be genuine, from your heart, not just a list you are checking off, not the ten (12) commandments! Moses didn’t need the Ten Commandments, he inherently knew how to be good.

When you find your future woman and win her heart, you’re welcome.

8 thoughts on “My Very Own Listicle–How to Win Her Heart

  1. My wife out of nowhere last night said, “dance with me.” Add that in with the kiss, back rub, intimate questions, etc…I think in a span of 30 minutes at home last night, I completed about seven items on this list. Lol.

    If a guy cannot do this in a span of weeks, he needs an emergency resuscitation from One Gentleman or MatildaTheMoonRaker. Lol

    Liked by 1 person

      • I know firsthand from my past relationships, exactly what not to do. Lol. It really was that simple for me, when I encountered her for the first time.

        I promised myself to completely rid our union, of all the faults I brought to the table in the past. We are not perfect, but I can promise you one thing…all the woes of the past are right there–the past.

        Why guys refuse to think of relationships this way, it is beyond me. If you are not learning from mistakes, what exactly are you doing.

        Liked by 1 person

      • You’ve already touched on the why in several of your blogs…but yeah, seems like it’d get old. Even if you never want to get married and have kids blah blah blah…wouldn’t you want to find people to have meaningful, amazing, relationships with? IDK…


  2. Cool word M-M

    …………….like a gypsy and the courage of a lion………..

    Ah, may I point you to a fresh look at the gentle beast, ‘why the lion…’ by yours truly.



  3. Pingback: Your Genie is a Carpet Ride Away | Matilda the Moonraker

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s