Beware the Prehistoric “Pet”

There’s a herd of them, carnivorous modern day dinosaurs, running around my backyard. I don’t know how they got out of their cage, they don’t seem that smart but they are good at getting out. Sometimes people think we have chickens, we don’t. I have seen chickens, harmless, cute, friendly, domestic. Mine just ran by in a mini-ankle-biting-toe-pecking-eyeball-scratching-out herd/flock.

There they go, headed straight for our pooch. The dog isn’t very big, I’m guessing he still has 10, 12 pounds maybe on any one of the dinosaurs, he’s not real smart either, even compared to our dinosaur-pack. Puts his chin on the ground and his butt in the air, wiggles it and invites them to play a little puppy-tag. Except dinosaurs don’t know how to play tag so the dinosaur I call Lacy comes up to the dog, she thinks for half a second and goes with a Chuck Norris style…actually it was more Bruce Lee to the chops! If I’m honest, it’s the funniest thing I’ve seen…Poor dog, you can tell he can’t understand why his new best friend just karate kicked his face.

The greedy wenches aren’t in the mood for play, they are chasing my children who incidentally are holding food, bread precisely. “RUN BABIES!!!” My kids are smart, they see their impending doom, scream in mock terror and start throwing down pieces of bread while running the opposite direction.

You might think because those dinosaurs will voraciously eat bread that they aren’t carnivorous. You’d be wrong. Those crazy eyeball-peckers are opportunist, they will eat fingers and toes, or anything that fits down their throat. When baby birds were fledging in the late spring I had to be extra vigilant about the dinosaurs escaping, I know for sure my herd-flock would’ve eaten each little fledged feathered morsel as they jumped from the safety of their nest…and probably before they even had time to bounce.

Think long and hard before you go and get yourself a bunch of dinosaurs. The eggs they pay me are barely enough to keep them fed and sheltered…especially while they are escaping…harassing the kids and dog and leaving poo-bombs on the patio…for now it’s getting close to dark, until them I am stranded at the patio table with my toes out of reach. They’ll settle in for the night soon and I will be able to safely return to the comfort of my house.

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