Nuts and Bolts

Sure, I promise to teach you to paint rainbows on clouds, catch unicorns with glitter, unclog the stuff that stops up your desire and hope; leave you in the unfamiliar, but you have to choose to come. Only if you have the courage to endure the pain of discovery and be steadfast enough set aside the addictions, distractions, barriers that dull the pain…the stuff that leaves souls numb, unconscious, discovery undiscovered…un-pursued.

I like dancing...I have no shame. Clearly I am no good at it but my dancing partner, now he has some moves!

I like dancing…I have no shame. Clearly I am no good at it but my dancing partner, now he has some moves!

That’s crap…probably…I don’t know anything earth shattering and I certainly haven’t figured “it”out yet. Blah blah blah…I know only this: Life is screaming by. I won’t spend it watching tv, waste it on commercials or being told how to think and see the universe. That said, I can’t say that I set out to try everything once, just for the sake of checking it off a list. I do things because I think I will like them, because I am interested, or curious, or challenged.  There are adventures afforded a girl who grows up in a tiny town in the sticks and I like when I surprise people.

This was intended as a bio, a bio wouldn’t be a bio without a useless list of hobbies: I like skydiving, running, racing, traveling, boating, kayaking, whitewater rafting, swimming, biking, tree climbing, entomology, various forms of art, cooking, eating, dancing, everything in nature (except jackass hornets)…caves, cliffs, rock climbing…beaches…exploring, creating…and stuff…just keep going, you get the picture.

We are not created equal. I am thankful for that. I don’t want to endure the trials that I have seen other loved ones go through and they would not want mine…Everyday can seem a battle to survive, only moments of pure bliss sprinkled throughout…each to their own ability, do your best

Teaching the kids how to hunt up some creepy crawlies

Teaching the kids how to hunt up some creepy crawlies in Hawaii


The Day will come when I go and stand naked before whatever God there is, he, she or them will strip away all of my iniquities, all of my flaws, all my heartache and trial, my missteps, addictions, falters, and faults…my pain…I will be left utterly naked down to the components of my heart. My joy, my intention, my good deeds, my capacity to forgive (not only others but also myself.) My genuine love for the creation around me and for you is all that I will have left to hold out before me. That I let big stuff matter…to the best of my ability I stayed out of the pitfalls of my weakness…naked down to my heart…that’s all I will be.  I want to like the naked person standing there at the mercy of her God, recognize that ultimately I am the one who will have to forgive her for imperfections…my God is perfect, I am not.

this counts as service to my fellow man right?

This counts as service to my fellow man right?


I’m a mom, wife, sister, aunt, cousin, niece, granddaughter, and princess or queen whichever the situation dictates. Blessed with four boys, an Oregon Native, from cow-country on the Eastern side of Oregon. God’s country (because, no one else wanted it).


Why do I blog?
I ask myself everyday. I am convinced that everything worthy of saying has been said by smarter and better “men”… in the end, the only answer I find; I must like pain. I have more nuts around here than I do bolts (pun intended) a girl’s got to take advantage of whatever opportunity she can find to salvage the bits of her sanity, ha! …to convey meaning, tell a story, elicit a response…like all things worthy of doing…I need practice. (Loads of it.) So here I am. Practicing.

…hoping that I didn’t lose any tiny shred of sparkle and mystery that I may have had previous to spilling my guts.

12481_328807123944119_2535766587495458156_n (1)

Two out of four kids here.

11 thoughts on “Nuts and Bolts

  1. You have a beautiful family! I especially love the pic of you and your son dancing. We have a lot in common. I absolutely love to dance and live in the sticks too. I agree. We must live life! I’m not healthy and have had to stop some of my adrenaline junkie activities you mentioned above. However, I’m still gonna live! Hope you’re having a lovely day, and I look forward to reading more of your posts. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Matilda, I want to say few words so as not to diminish how highly I think of your “bio,” what you said & what/who you are. You must have an IQ off the charts, especially Emotional IQ. Your narrative speaks to a life so full & being fulfilled in progress. So much I would want to comment on; the aura that is your orbit, wasteful activities vs. worthy pursuits, the struggle called “life,” standing before our God, the futility in writing & yet the need to do so. The photos of family & you pictured radiate a glow that can only emanate from the mother & wife. Rather than “lose any tiny shred of sparkle and mystery” that you “may have had previous to spilling” your guts, you have brandished the luster of the light that you shine, that is you. –I really like you. You write so well. –Beauty inside & out! How is that grueling training going? Shut up me. Phil

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Right when I was about to get on your dancing, you beat me to it. Lol. Your story is better than anyone else telling your story, because there’s no better you than you. The photo with you and the family is a nice one. The background adds a nice touch, with the chaos I know your little guys put you through.

    I’ve already told my wife, if we have boys, we are going to drive her mad. Lol. If we have a girl, we are going to drive her mad with pranks. Regardless, she’s in for one heck of a ride.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s