I gave up shit for lent…

Today is Ash Wednesday, and wouldn’t you know it, the neighborhood power is out for “routine maintenance,” (NSA setting up better recon on the guy down the street…or me…not sure) eight hours of not opening the fridge, and all I can think about is lent and how when I was growing up dad always encouraged us to give something up for lent.

Lent is never mentioned in the bible, but I still like it. Think of lent as actively praying for forty days. Rather something like this “…dear god, why would I ever think I was strong enough to give up wine!” …or chocolate or whatever you love to indulge in…

Upon my reflection I realize I gave up “shit” for lent: dumbshits, shit heads, bullshit, piles of shit, gives of shit, shit holes (assholes), shitty food, and shit, literally…

I mean, crap, I have been cleaning up someone else’s shit for more than two decades. W.T.F. Really. With dogs, parrots, a cat, chickens and kids, there’s a lot of shit around here that needs cleaning or hiding…

I have been wiping kid-ass for more than twenty years. Let that sink in. I’ve worked at vet clinics…on ranches and in kid care…wanna talk about shit, I’m your gal. By the time I’m done wiping kid butts it will be my moms turn–(sorry mom) and then my husbands and then after fifty years of up close and personal with everybody else’s little brown-eye, you guessed it, then it will be my turn…for someone to wipe my ass.

So before it’s too late to take a break from shit-I’m doing it, right now, for lent…In one more hour because the fucking dog has shit stuck to his butt, AGAIN, (he needs to quit growing hair) and I can’t turn on the clippers to shave his ass until the power gets turned back on…

Then I’m done with this stupid shit! At least for lent.

I know that’s backwards-we are supposed to suffer in commemoration of Jesus and his forty days he fasted and suffered in the desert before he was crucified…I’ve been suffering…I’m giving the “shit suffering” mantle over to someone else for a bit…

It probably won’t last and I’m probably just freaking out because I’m stuck with shit (literally) until the power comes back on…that and I’m starving since I won’t open the fridge until the power comes on…I cleaned all the junk food out of the cupboards (no-I didn’t eat it-I threw it away days ago…originally I was just giving up shitty food for lent…) and I need some protein!

Later I will feel shitty for exposing you to shitty language (just the silent ramblings I usually keep to myself), you know-after I eat, then clean the dogs behind-so apologies ahead of time.

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10 thoughts on “I gave up shit for lent…

  1. LOL! That was really funny and rather true. Sometimes when people ask me what I do for a living, I want to say, I wipe people’s behinds. That is also my hobby, what I do in my spare time, and my recreational activity. Even if I ever got to go have a real vacation, it would probably involve wiping somebody’s behind.

    The only thing I could really give up for lent would be coffee and if I give up coffee then life becomes meaningless and nobody gets their behinds wiped.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. M, That was very good!!!!!!!!!! Amusing!!!! Now be serious….You can open the frig with the power out! Just embellishment I suppose! But you had some really great lines like “wiping kids’ asses for twenty years!” And good knowledge of the life of Jesus! This & reference to Dad & giving something up for Lent shows the good Catholic upbringing you had. I was just telling Geri we were taught as kids that during Lent our 3 meals had to equal one meal. I was never big on giving something up for Lent as I recall. But, “Shit!” You sure wrote a funny piece. Must have been the dog hair full of shit & no electric power to sheer it off that drove you this inspired writing. Six more weeks……Shit happens!!! Phil

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh-touché. I could have opened the fridge… But the whole thing was a pain…it was easier to just deny myself and the kids then debate with them. (Regarding opening the fridge) sure, id grab yogurt and maybe makes eggs on the gas stove–using a lighter of course–but the kids…they’d stand in front of an open fridge debating chocolate milk or quesadilla, egg sandwich or carrot sticks…in eight hours they have had that fridge door open 30 times…that would have effected the frozen goods blah blah blah..,you’re thinking with your New England brain–it was 70 ish today…

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      • I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post. I have been ranting about the miseries of old age, but I have it good compared to you. Not that I haven’t cleaned a lot of baby shit, dog shit, bunny shit, hamster shit, guinea pig shit, chicken shit and bullshit, but that is mostly in the past. Being old I forget that shit.

        Love your blog, will return often. ~ Dennis

        Liked by 1 person

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