That Guy

You never want to be That GuyIf at all possible it’s best to be This Guy. That Guy, you know him as the jerk who cuts you off on the freeway, or backs into your trash can on trash day, maybe he takes cuts in line at the amusement park while you’re in line with your kids, or you might have watched as he did any number of things that earn him the title That Guy.

So school started yesterday in my neck of the woods. Frankly, I know I should love it and be thrilled to have one less sarcastic-six-year old under foot, in all honesty though,  I am one of the rare people who doesn’t enjoy or find comfort in conforming to a regular schedule. I like my freedom–which is an oxymoron in the same room as your own offspring–but anyway. My point is that with school starting comes a new (temporary) kind of chaos as we all settle back into a new, old schedule…an organized schedule.

On the second day of school I found myself charge to 5 little boys, just like virtually every Thursday when the 3 Mendez boys come for their regular “playdate”. Translate=extra chaos into the second morning of school as I am finding all the papers for moms and dads to endlessly fill out at the start of each year, reminding, reminding, reminding, and reminding the six year old to get his lunch and get his backpack, and loading three of the five hooligans into car seats while the other two find the remaining spots and strap in all of it by 7:30.

Quite a feat if you consider that we had a real breakfast (even if it was previously frozen) and everyone had their clothes on, shoes on, teeth brushed, the last diaper wearer had his diaper changed and all but two of them still need help dressing, eating, brushing and getting into car seats. Whew…

As you may have guessed I am making excuses for myself, trying to diminish the severity of the next set of events…

Here’s the thing, I consider everything a great success if I get all of the above mentioned tasks accomplished and the kids all still think we are having a good time. Really. It’s a good indicator that I am not being a total tyrant lizard queen. Today they think I am hilarious and that they are even more hilarious…things are going good.

Then it all goes kinda sideways from this point on…

We leave the house, I wave to my snarky retired cop neighbor and back into his trashcan (what the hell man, put your trashcan away already!) How embarrassing! When I get to the freeway onramp (I know…a freeway to get to school, geez) and notice…er, realize… that as I am entering the freeway I kinda forgot to look over my shoulder.  I just barely made it out in front of a semi truck (one hauling two trailers)…He was nice about it, he didn’t run us over and I think he was trying to tell me it was okay in sign language and hand gestures (ahem) …I was a tiny bit distracted by the six and seven year old, at this point, who looked like they were having some kind of medical emergency in the back of the mini just as I exited the freeway, um, traversing three lanes of traffic in 30 yards…in the drop-off lane at school I kept trying to yell “I love you!” to my kiddo, who wasn’t acknowledging me…I see it now–he just wanted his crazy mom to move along–at the time I was distraught that he’d have a horrible day if he didn’t hear me remind him of my affection for him (two cars pulled out and had to go around me because I was holding up traffic…that’s not so bad is it?)  I also may have been sitting at a 4-way stop with my blinker on to go left and I went straight instead, the tractor trailer that was directly across from me had intended on going left too and almost ran over me when I went straight…he was nice and quit yelling at me when I yelled out the window, while making a corkscrew towards my own head, that I was sorry and I was crazy…When I drove by the Blue-Hair in the velour jogging suit, walking Phee-Phee and did nothing to avoid the sprinkler-runoff puddle, splashing her and Phee-Phee…I realized…that today…

I’m That Guy

Thankfully tomorrow is the end of the week and I will have the weekend to recoup and redeem myself…

I sincerely hope if That Guy happens to cross paths with you today that you try and be tolerant, even forgiving, maybe they are just a little frazzled, maybe they have too many kids sucking their brains out of their heads, or maybe they are, in fact, a bigfatjerk…I suspect they are doing the best they can with the resources they have and the grace they were given…


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